I've been gone here for so long.
And in my absence, I have learnt so many things I will never learn anywhere. Lessons taken from the painful reality life.

For once in my life, I do not want to mention names. But there was this one person who has been a special part of my life. Once we were so close and we share dreams as if the future is already over us. I treated that person as my very best friend and offered that individual the most exceptional attention possible I can give to human being. At first we were contented with each others’ company and, as with any relationship, this feeling slowly faded away. That someone was to first to show this ludicrous sensation. And since I am girl full of ambitions in life, I tried to push away this nocuous feeling to avoid being hurt and stumble.

But it is true that I do not hold the future. I do not hold this person’s feelings and I do not hold how the circumstances go. Eventually, something so personal to me occurred. To be straight, after our break-up, that person gradually faded away from my scenes. I got used to the feeling of being alone without that someone. It hurt me to know that that person is now looking at someone else for sweet attention. It was truly an impertinent thing for me to do. After all I have done for him, this is what that someone is going to repay me?! No, I do not look for anything in exchange to the goodness I have done but where is the appreciation promised, the indebtedness formerly shown? Gone.
And that what hurts the most. I could not put all the blame on that person because part of the failure was my fault. Why did I allow that feeling to evade my whole personality and to affect my whole life in the first place? I disregarded the consequences that have already been foreseen and now I suffer the pain that it brought me. I feel like my hands have been stained by un-washable filth. I could not remove it away with plain water and soap. I could not cover this up by dumping all my sentiments to another person and finding a way of comfort to this ailing spirit. I know I have to accept this and move on with my life. However, I feel like I messed up my whole life, my whole thinking, my whole soul. I could not fathom how I could ever erase the regrets that have been stamped into my personality.

My parents have always been right. They have warned me about this, but I subtly disobeyed it and followed the will of my own curiosity. And because of that, I ruined the rest of my existence.

To rest of the teenagers here, this experience is such a commonplace thing. But to those who are truly severe to their own lives, being hurt, being rejected with such intensity is absolutely a provoking encounter.

And I for one cannot undergo so much emotional torment as this, especially when there are still so many important matters to think about. I must learn to live, to suffer, to move on…